Why Do I Write?

God, thank you for giving each of us a voice. Teach me to sing your praises, not tear down others with this voice. Amen

I write because my brain is active. My mind is thinking. I communicate better with written word than verbalizing words in the correct order.
I write to leave my hand print on the wall. I want my signature to be my own. I choose to have a say and regardless of how many times I hear that I talk too much, I still have more to say. 
 I need to communicate with the outside world. I write about day to day observations, raise questions and look for answers.  I write to educate. I look for humor in almost all things. I write to make others laugh or to think about something. Not to change you mind, just think. Thinking is good. More of us should try it.

I love to pray. Praying is good, more of us should try it. I love to write out my prayers. I consider them public prayers. Prayers I share with you, your day, the moment you had with your kids this morning, or a thankful prayer than you needed to share with a friend of yours.
I believe so much in the goodness of people. My grandma Olive use to tell me, "don't be ugly".  To her you were "ugly" when you chose things before people and mean spiritedness over kindness.  I believe in goodness, kindness, gentleness and love. It all comes from God. Not everyone knows God... there lies my problem.
I tell my children they are beautiful when they show kindness, gentleness to others and care for those around them.
 I got to thinking about what I don't write for. I don't write for fame or attention. I don't write to show my great literacy talent. I don't write to become published. I don't write to compete with other blogger's. I am not in some great race to see how many followers I can attain.  Sure I love feedback. Sure I love with I hear I have made you laugh or touched your heart with my story. And to be clear.. they are my stories. Not your stories, not my neighbors stories. I don't want to talk about other people. Those are their stories and they need to tell their own story. I want to share my own story. I get in trouble.. a lot of trouble if I tell other peoples stories. (some call it gossip)  These are my experiences. I own them. It's what I know. I only know my life story.
I can tell you countless stories of going camping and knowing all the Florida native birds.
I can tell you how to build a three story tree house.
I can tell you about how my brother and I have a relationship that is good now, but as kids not so good.
I can tell you the story of my parents being alcoholics... because I was there.
I can tell you the story of my brother teaching me to change my own oil in my car only later to throw a gear and have to have the transmission rebuilt.. because I did it.
I can tell you the story of losing my mom at the age of 24 and my choices in life afterward.  I lived it.
I can tell you how good getting into therapy will save your life, your sanity and your friendships. Your car needs a tune up, so do we. Therapy is good stuff.
I can tell you the story of raising my elderly father now.. because its awful right now.
I can tell you about living my dreams, being married to the most amazing man and being given second chances.  Because God loves us and wants us to be happy.
I can be very honest and tell you my biggest fear in this world is losing my children or husband to a horrible car accident or disease that I have no control over.. I turn this over to God daily..Its the only way I can even let them leave the house.
I can share with you that when I am vulerable, open myself up and share the tough stuff... All of you respond more because we all have those tough tough stuff memories and still have to work on them.
I can tell you that my best girlfriends, the ones I have known for years and years have been there for me and never abandon me in my darkest hours. I love you with all my heart.
I can share about grief. I can share about diabetes. I can share about being misunderstood and having attention deficit disorder.  I can also share about the poor teachers that had to put up with me in their class before medication for ADD became available. And Yes, I do support properly supervised medication for kids and adults with ADD (If this post is coming off as defensive, I dont' mean it too.. I guess I am clarifying for myself what I write for and what I don't write for.)

These stories belong to me. This is my venue. I choose to write to be heard. To give myself a voice. To clarify what I wanted to be said so many years ago.. and it never came out right.  I like to share what I have learned. I have learned so much from other moms, best girl friends, teachers, people who yell, public speakers and books I read and more. I guess in all my talking, I do quite a bit of listening too. Listening is good. We should all listen more. This is Girl Schmuck signing off.